Touch Some Grass

The developer complained on the internet, and the internet replied with its favorite insult: go touch some grass. Going outside turned out to have terrible graphics and far too much brightness, so jpm_games went back inside and built the joke instead. Touch Some Grass is a meme made executable, a tiny simulator that turns the chronically online's favorite advice into something you can grind, level, and put on a leaderboard.

What the loop feels like

The default experience is a hand on turf. Blades flatten realistically under your palm, audio feedback rewards pressure, and nothing whatsoever is asked of you. It is absurd how quickly the brain accepts digital grass as an achievement, which is precisely the joke landing.

Then Survival mode reframes everything as a sport. The hand must stay pressed to the grass while erratic, exploding yellow hazard boxes drift in, and lifting or clipping one ends the run. Five uninterrupted minutes later, an achievement lands, a hand skin unlocks, and the global leaderboard has an opinion about your form. That's Touch Some Grass.

How the systems fit together

The core is the hand and the turf: a physics-driven patch of green whose blades react to pressure, wrapped in a Relaxation mode with zero rules, timers or limitations. Survival mode is the same lawn weaponized, demanding continuous contact while hazards force micro-movements rather than wild swings.

Progression rides on top in classic video game fashion: consistent touching raises your player level, levels unlock cosmetic hand skins, duration milestones convert into official Steam achievements, and global leaderboards rank grass-contact longevity against the world. It belongs to the same tongue-in-cheek family as Stone Simulator: Just Be a Rock and Wait, where the catalog's literal-simulation joke economy lives.

Where it stumbles

It is a gag, not a game, and players who mistake it for one are the source of most negative reviews. Once the novelty of patting virtual turf wears off and the achievement is claimed, there is little mechanical depth waiting underneath.

The active content is thin too: controls are quirky by default, with movement on arrows or mouse rather than standard WASD, and the loops beyond relaxed patting and hazard-dodging are limited. Some users also note that paying money, however little, purely to participate in an internet joke can feel hollow once the first laugh passes.

Playing it today

Touch Some Grass is a budget release on Steam for Windows and Mac, with full controller support, achievements, trading cards and leaderboards, all from developer jpm_games. The iOS app with a similar name is from an unrelated developer, so treat any mobile listing with suspicion and stick to the Steam page.

The verdict

Touch Some Grass is exactly as deep as it needs to be: a cheap, self-aware punchline that lets you technically win an argument from 2019. Buy it for the achievement and the bit, not for the gameplay, and it will deliver both without apology.